Good Interview Answers

Throughout my Interview period I had to answer actually lie to most of the questions .I wonder what would have happened if i would told them about the thoughts circulating in my little brain!!
Q)Why do you want to join our Company??
A)I don't ,I am practising for Microsoft interview after 4 days!!

Q)You are aldready working at Google then why do you want to join this Company?
A)There is too much work load in Google ,I am tired now and want to have some rest in your company.

Q)Your Package is 4.6 lpa . Are you ok with that??
A) WTF !! you call that a package??

Q)So do you have any questions?
A)Yes !! Please tell me something about yourself??(works best with female HR)

Q)Are you willing to relocate?
A)I don't have any problems just ask my parol officer!!

Q)whats your ideal working Environment?
A)An environment having Quality Girls.

Q)Please speak on the line "The wind was blowing" for a minute??
A)The wind was blowing in our faces, and silence enveloped us as we stared at the distant city lights. That was the time, I thought. Do it. The urge to plant a kiss on her lips shuddered throughout me. We held each other close; I could feel the sweat of her arms and face, and still I kissed her....
Interwiewer --okay okay fine please stop!!!
More questions and answers welcomed!!!

Free Blog Link Exchange

Let's face it ,we all need links from other blogs maybe to increase search engine or technorati ratings and are too shy to ask for them . Same is the case here,hence i am openly stating that anybody who needs links to blog can do so by giving a link to mine.If interested please send me a mail or write a comment .

Reiser Creater arrested

In a post in slashdot(view),it has been said that Hans Reiser ,the creator of Reiser file system has been arrested on the suspicion of murdering his estranged wife. Although the body of the wife has not been found ..the police says that they have enough circumstantial evidence ,my take is that the guy made the whole ReiserFS and is currently working on ReiserFS 4 .He is important to the whole linux community .. Hence arrest him if you find the body with the murderweapon with his DNA on it. Dont just say that we have enough "circumstantial evidence".

Love Geeks around you

It hurts me when I see a girl who is a goddess according to my frame of reference being with a jerk who doesn't even knows the difference between Cryptography and Cryptoanalysis.What the world don't understand is that beautiful girls are supposed to mate with intelligent geeks.I don't claim this Darwin does.The best and strongest of a species mate to make even strongers kind of themselves.Hence somewhere in this world a Darwin enthusiast is crying when a girl hangs out with a non-geek jerk.
There are many well known resons why you should choose a geek as your partner
1)It is a proven fact that geeks are better lovers/husbands/fathers/friends.
2)A geek no matter what happens will stay loyal to you.He will not look at other females.This happens because no matter how successful a geek is,he is still very modest and low in confidence and is very thankful that finally a girl like him ,hence he will make sure that he doesn't screw his only chance.
3)You get free good tech advice and opinions on any electronic item you plan to purchase.
4)Becuase of his intelligence and technical superiority he is guaranteed to have good and secure financial future.
5)A geek is always honest and cannot lie.Most of the geeks are brought up in an environment where they only thinks of time and space complexity.Hence when confronted with a simple question like "do i look fat in this dress??" ,most of them would reply with a simple "Yes" ,not a word more.
6)They can easily fit into any kind of wierd clothes you can imagine.Most of them have risen above the level of clothes and now don't care what are they wearing or the world is laughing at them.
7)You dont have to worry what to gift them at birthdays,most of them would be delighted if you just remembered their birthday.

So if you noticed a geek around you and want to approach him , here are a few keywords that can win his trust :- Linux,Unix,Science fiction,programming .Also a handle in slashdot can help a long way in establishing his trust.
Talks which should be avoided :-
1)what is linux??
2)windows is a much better OS.
3)Programming is easy.
4)I only liked the fighting scenes in "The Matrix".

Also do remember that geeks value intelligence more then body and are also resistant against some unreasonable demands .An demand like "You choose between me and your geek friends and computer" may leave you with surprizing answers.Geeks are intelligent enough to figure out who will stay longer with them.Hence Happy geek hunting.....

N.Korea goes Nuclear

North Korea did it again.It is now the first nation in "Axis of Evil" to become a nuclear power(you have to admire that at some level).There is nothing more amusing to me then to see a small ,insignificant nation giving the mighty USA a run for its money...I am no expert in Defense or Foreign Diplomacy but even the neurons in my brain can fuse together to figure out that Mr Bush is not a happy man .I am sure right now he would be thinking "how the f*** do I attack a rogue nation which just announced and tested their weapons of mass destruction ,has the capability to use them and actually does want to use them when i can't handle a nation which wasn't either" . Atleast now the people of USA should realize thats its time to impeach their leader.I suggest the following for candidacy ..then again in geek terminology "a picture speaks louder then 128 k words".

My Wishlist

These days everywhere I see someone is making his wishlist through froogle ,hence I also thought of creating my wishlist without the help of google servers .... so here is my wishlist

1)Ambition to become a supreme geek
2)Girl Friend
3)Girl Friend
4)Ipod Nano

Now the amount of traffic i get on this site is making the chances of my 2nd wish coming true prior to 4th which is good in a way(if it happens before i turn 30) .... but as karma theory says that a food lover like me cannot have his 2nd and 3rd wish fulfilled before his 4th wish. Hence people don't hesitate to click on the links provided by google ,you are helping in a good cause

Homemade crude bomb???

Are you a budding terrorist???Did you arrive here by searching home made bombs through google?Then I am afraid you have been duped by the creator of this blog to incease his hits, .... now since you have arrived here ,could you please also click at 2-3 ads being displayed by google on this page just to complete the cycle of Karma..

The Ultimate Geek Test

These days every idiot likes to call himself a geek .It has become a fashionable term to use.Most of them are not even aware that they bring disgrace to the whole geek community.Hence I putforward a geek test by which every one can check how much of a geek he really is .. Simply answer the following questions in yes/no.

1)Did you celebrated your 18th birthday by enjoying a quite dinner with your family and then going to Bed(not kidding)?
2)Did your last meaningful conversation with the opposite sex took place 2 yrs back and consisted solely of the sentance "Do you have a Pen??"? A bonus point if you remember that girl to the finest detail and still think about her.
3)Are You still a virgin and expected to remain the same until a girl who is after your money decides to marry you?
4)Does the ratio/propotion of any part of your body to any other part of your body is far far away from the number 1.618 or more commonly known "phi"(more details here)?
5)Do you believe that people who like to party all night are good for nothing loosers contrary to yourself who still has a life?
6)Do you think that a person who dosn't knows how to recompile his linux kernel from source is a liability to the nation?
7)Does the only proof of your social existence is a Linuxforum/slashdot/programming forum handle where you are treated with full respect and love by other fellow geeks?
8)Do you believe in the quote "I love Humanity ...its the people I hate"?
9)Can you swear in the name of Open Source Software that given a Kalashnikov you are willing to blow the head of any infidel who says "Window Rocks and Tux sucks"?
10)Do you know more about the Life of Steven Hawkins or the incomplete Phd thesis of Sergey Brinn than about Anjelina Jolie ?
11)Do you fantasise about becoming a supreme geek compared to having sex with any female ??
12)You don't care about the clothes you wear as long as they cover more then 65 % part of your body?
13)Do you in National Interest(save water resources) take bath normally once in every three days?
14)Did you understood the story and concept of "The Matrix Trilogy" in less then 2 attempts?
15) Do you have a IQ of over 140 /Were you placed in top 1-2 % of any nation wide competitive tech exam?
If you answer "yes" to more than 12 of these questions then only you should consider yourself a true geek .If you answered yes to only 5-6 questions then shouldn't even call yourself engineers . For others you are people who do have some geek characteristics but shouldn't call yourself geeks.
Now for the true geeks ,be proud of yourself .. geeks rule and shape the world around us, be it larry Page, Bill Gates or Linus Torvalds.Chances are you would be earning millions in 4-5 years while other idiots will be struggling to find a job.

Dilbert Newsletter

I am a fan of most of the work done by Scott Adams and lately I have also suscribed to the dilbert newsletter which arrived today .... here is the best of it.


1)
Dear Dogbert,
I practice kenjutsu and have done so for about 6 years. A friend of mine asked me why I do it. I couldn't give him a satisfactory answer because I don't do it for self defense(can't walk around in the mall with Japanese sword in my belt), and I don't do competitions. If you could give me an answer I will be eternally grateful.
Mark


Dear Meek,
You do it because you can’t get a girlfriend. But that’s just a guess.
Sincerely,
Dogbert

2)
Dear Dogbert,
What's the best in pick-up line in the world?
Karl

Dear Snarl,
Try this: "I’m a generous billionaire with less than a week to live."
Sincerely,
Dogbert

3)
Dear Dogbert,
I need to find a girlfriend, but I am very ugly. How can I find a girl that doesn't care how I look?
Ethan


Dear Heathen,

There are plenty of girls who value character above looks. They are called blind girls. And as Ed Harris well knows, it also helps to be rich.
Sincerely,
Dogbert

4)
Dear Dogbert,
How should I handle creepy men that hit on me at work? Apparently they all think I'm hot.
Heather



Dear Hotter,
Mr. Adams requested that he answer your question personally. He will stop by your cubicle tomorrow. Say around lunchtime?
Sincerely,
Dogbert

Impact of Chain Letters

I as a rule generally don't forward any emails ,but lately i received a mail from a friend which i did enjoy reading hence i putforward the contents of the mail ......

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 & 2005 and 2006.
Because of your kindness:
I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS
I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.
I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.
When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)
My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for apaid vacation to Disneyland.
Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, GaneshVandana,Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

Placement Experience - III

It has been some time now since my placements have been over still i think about many incidents which used to happen regularly...
-Pre-Placement Talk - In which every company tried to prove to us that they were not losers through formal presentations ,now we students slept for most part of the presentation till a magic word used to ring in our heads "Ur package".This referred to the slide which displayed the package which the company would be offering to us and then suddenly you could hear the commotion of every body waking up in the back with sounds like .... "what" ...."where" ...."Mummy i dont want to go to school today" ....."bas(only that much)".

-Dummies - In IIITA even the 15th company visiting for placements is told that they are the second company to visit ... so obviously the company expects more than 17 guys to sit in their exam ....hence the concept of dummy evolved..a dummy is a Smartass who has aldready got placed and who again sits in the exam to underperform so that the jackass also looks like a smartass . Now one might imagine that being a dummy would be the easiest thing to do ,afterall how much hard would it be to suffer from a failure .Let me enlighten you then ..
Being a dummy u have to simulate a logical being that is also stupid.But there's the problem , in most of the company's written exam the question are objective with no negative marking..
and in no right state of mind would a logical being leave questions unanswered no matter how stupid he is. Hence you have to attend all questions .Now you cannot mark answers randomly because the original candidates siting besides you will not do good in his exam and luckily or unluckily you might pass in the exam and fail in ur objective ... Hence you have to make sure that the answers you mark are actually incorrect , the only way to do which is to calculate the correct answer in the first place.Hence the dummies end up doing the most hard work, actually solving the paper and then actually failing in it ..only to get no credit or praise in the end.
Hence its not easy to even fail in IIITA.

Placement Experience - II

Well As mentioned before i was no longer unemployed ..but the truth was that i was not happy either, with an in hand salary of INR 13,000 pm and a place like Bangalore .. i would be still dependent upon my father's money ,hence i needed a second job desperately which to my surprize came in just a week ...
The second round of the placement began and the first company to arrive was Onmobile .Now Onmobile believes that they are a reincarnation of Microsoft in India ... do most of their hiring based on puzzles even though microsoft stopped asking the same puzzles long time back.On the day of the exam i took a bath and all other things just not to repeat the same mistakes again and then i was rejected in the first written puzzle round itself.
Now the second company came by the name of Induslogic .. a 5 yr old startup which alledgely almost went bankrupt and then pulled through and now was doing good. I was skeptic about the company first but made up my mind about trying to join as soon as i heard that they offer free food to all employees and the food is best in the industry... to a person like me nothing else mattered .
Also i had to figure out what went wrong in Onmobile so the mistake is not repeated again ... after one hour of careful introspection i concluded that there is no way in hell that i am taking a bath that day..so in my usual horrible face and hygiene went for the written exam ... which was a little awkward in the sense that the time limit on some of the sections was 3 minustes.That gave only 8 seconds to look at a question ..think about the answer .... then think where is the OCR sheet .... then find the corresponding question on the sheet ..and then mark the answer on it.Surprisingly i cleared the written exam and was placed in the list of 40 selected candidates for Interview sheduled for the next day .
The next day again the same dilema ..to bath or not to bath .I decided to take the bath not for the sake of overcoming my superstition but for the fear of gassing the Interviewer to Death.
After Mentally preparing myself for a difficult tech interview for 3 hrs ,i was informed at the last moment that i would be facing HR first.I mentally prepared myself for an ugly fellow geek asking brainstorming Tech questions and i was told that i would be facing a Hot Chick Named Miss Shalu who would screw my brain with stupid HR questions ..anyway composed myself and went in . Saw Miss shalu ,she was little chubby(yes fat people have feelings too!!) nice looking girl .She asked me to sit .. ,at the first moment my visionary sensors coupled along with my neurons scanned some chipps and other stuff lying on the table .. giving me the feeling that interviewer was one of my own and the intentions were not hostile.she asked me about my projects ,my family etc. At one time she asked ..ok ankit where does your sister study????
I told Delhi university ..to which she asked which college .. and at this moment came the weakest moment in Brother-Sister relationship when i forgot the name of my sister college . Thought for some 3 seconds staring blank at her.then realized "Moron!!! say the name of any college ". I replied that she is doing computer honours from Hindu college .Later I was told by my sister on phone " You stupid !!!! there is no computer honours in hindu college".The rest of the interview passed easily ...what can i say chubby people click with each other.
Later I was told that i cleared HR and was among top 25 candidates.Now had to face a tech interview.
Went in and met my interviwer a decent techi who did asked some serious questions ... The Interviwer was helpful and understanding ... atleast knew what he was asking .The Interview lasted some 45 minustes , compared to the tech interview at TCS which lasted 4 minutes.
About an hour after my tech interview the results were anounced ... my name was third in the list as a token of love a crappy T-shirt was given to me by the Senior manager ....went to my hostel to check out the shirt and realized "The induslogic Idiots gave a small sized T-shirt for my phenominally large body.Later I gave the T-shirt to my sister as a token of love (actually as a token to forgive me that i forgot her college name).
My current package is 3.6 lpa (4.1 CTC actually 4.5 CTC ...they dont know yet about my eating stamina).The Office building is also cool.Shortly after my selection the name of the company was changed to Global Logic after an international merger.

Placement Experience - I

For most tech students the hardest part of their engineering come in placement season when they have to battle it out against their own friends to get a decent job.Contrary to that placement season in IIITA is a time of festivities.Some 25 companies come for 110 students with a aim to recruit an average of 15 students each... hence not difficult to imagine that by the time placements get over every idiot in my college manages to grab atleast 2 -3 decent job offers along with some cheap T-shirts (I got 1 from Yahoo !! beat that!).
By the way i managed to get an offer from TCS(2.36 lpa) and Induslogic(now Globallogic 4.1 lpa).

My First observation about the whole placement process is that if you did more hard work than your father in order to get in the Engineering college you study ,then you don't worry ..you are bound to get a decent job.

Second ,if you are good enough to be selected in TCS then you deserve much better than to go into TCS.

Third,no matter you study 2 months or 2 weeks you end up equal to all your batchmates.

Fourth ,Placement is very much like lottery in good colleges .Most of students being at the same level get all their offers solely based on their luck no matter what they claim .

My First offer came from TCS ,the company which aims to hire 30,000 fresh graduates this year even when the country only produces some 20,000 decent IT engineers every year out of which 18,000 do not in any way plan to go in TCS. Any applicant appearing for TCS will be scared to hell when he initially sees their written paper.But any person having only slightest of geekish characteristics should be able to see a pattern that TCS only prepare 1 paper for a whole year ,hence as far as your college is not the first college being visited by TCS and you have collabration with the geeks in other colleges ..you are safe.
My written exam was scheduled for 7 am in the morning.Now the thing is that even the saints in IIITA cannot manage to wake up at 6:30 in the morning hence a better idea was to not sleep in first place.So went to my lab at 3 a.m to have a final look at the notorious TCS wordlist ,with the help of mettalica to keep me awake ,the moment of 7 a.m finally arrived .Gave the test and comfortably cleared it so did my other batchmates....most of the ones who got rejected alledgedly cleared the upper cutoff.
We were asked to come with our CV for tech interview in 20 min.Now the problem was that i was expecting a time gap of atleast an hour as i had not taken a bath for 3 days ,had big nails ,shirt and trousers were not properly pressed ,tie knot not tied etc hence not in the perfect looks. So i gave the first interview of my life in a state that if my father ever heard of , would blow me himself with a bazooka .Anyhow, after lot of mishaps like forgetting my photographs in my room etc, I reached in front of my two tech interviewers.They had a look at my resume for some time and this is how the conversation went.

Intervw1 - How do you rate urself in C on a scale of 10??
Me - I am ok ..maybe 7-8 .
Intervw1 - do you code regularly??
Me - You can say that.
Intervw1 - Can you write a program to print character 'f' 15 times ??
Me - hhuhhh?( for 10 sec i thought what was the tricky part i missed in the question .. after which i wrote a simple loop doing what was asked for which even a class 8th student would feel insulted)
Intervw1 - Good explain what u did?
Me - You want me to explain this simple for loop(thinking why the fuck does he want to know about a simple for loop and then explaned it to him).
Intervw1 - OK you are good ...can u simplify it??
Me - simply print f fifteen times like printf("fffffffffff")
Intervw1 - Yes Yes !! that was the answer i was looking for ... u are really good..
Me -huh!!##
(Then the asked some more simple C questions which posed no trouble and then)..
Intervw2 - Do you know about operating systems??
Me - yes sought of (actually i had memorised some 450 pages of my OS textbook)
Intervw2 - So do you know what is an operating system huh huh ??
Me - (great i studied 450 pages and he had to ask from the 3rd paragraph) blah ..blah ..
Intervw2 -Good i clear you for HR ...

This is how my first tech interview of my life went.

Now came my first HR interview which the TCS refers to as MR (some Managerial Review Crap) . This was my most difficult interview as of yet not because of question but the way thay take their interview.
I had to face in front of me a hot HR chick named priyanka and a Senior tech manager(name not important!!).Now this can be a nightmare for a geek like me who hadn't had any verbal contact with a girl in more than a year ... they were playing with my emotions there which was not at all funny.The 50 yr old manager was staring me with such evil eyes as if the girl was his daughter.
Anyhow i managed to take over my emotions and manage to look mostly in the eye of the Senior manager.

S. Man. - Do you know abt Operating systems ??
Me - Yes (good god !! not again ..).
S.Man - What is time sharing ??
Me - Blah Blah....(thank god atleast he reached 3rd page).
SMan - Hmm .. speak on topic Role of IT in India for 3 min
Me -Blah ..Blah ..(I actually spoke for 3 min ... what came out of my mouth i myself dont remember but it seemed good enough for them).
Priyanka-May i say u have very good skills in strategic management .Are you planning to make a career in it??
Me - I am a techi in heart and plan to stay that way(Fuck man !! she said i am cool .. this is not that bad afterall)
Priyanka -Where do u see urself in 5 yrs?
Me - [Standard answer](now atleast i could freely stare at her without worrying abt the evil manager).
Priyanka - Are you mobile ??
Me - yes blah blah ...
Priyanka - thanku .. u may leave.

This was my first HR interview more then the tension and anxiety at that time i actually remember about that Chick (Boy she was hot!!!).Anyway after my interview i went outside and shared all my questions with fellow batchmates under geek code of Information Exchange and then went to my room to have a sleep.I came back at night to hear about the results of TCS ... and heard my name in the selected list ,so did 64 others.. This was my first job hence was special ... called home immediately and said the classic line to my mom "Maa meri naukri lag gayi maa!!!".After which i went to my hostel to celebrate by eating the cholle bhature prepared by my mess as dinner.The dinner was my mess trademark crap food and this is how i celebrated my first job offer ...not exactly the kind of party one would imagine to have after he was no longer unemployed ... but no complaints that day is still a special day in my memory with the neurons corresponding to the event flagged as "The day I lost my unemployment".

Stupidity and Absent mindedness

From all my 21 years of experience in life i have came to a conclusion that all people no matter how different in personality do have a common trait i.e. stupidity and absent mindedness so here is the collection of the five stupid things i have done recently to prove that i am one of them

5) Washing face while still wearing specs (done it 2 times).

4)Licking a knife(one time was good enough).

3)Mentioning that i saw DPS mms video to my parents (some people might still remember it ...it missed the nomination for "movie of the year" for National awards)

2)Said "I hate all subjects equally " to the senior tech manager of yahoo .This suicidal quote was said by me after i cleared a written round ,a programming round and two tech interview and hence got rejected in the last HR interview.

1) Mentioning all my stupid acts on my blog and putting it in front of the whole world(people are stupid or what!!!!)